Leaving the office yesterday I saw a sign. No, not a sign like the Ace of Base song from the early 90's, an actual sign.Pretty sure it means "Beware of falling exclamation points while performing jackknife dives into squiggly lines" but I think "Cation: falling exclamation points" might be a little more succinct.
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Today at the office, nestled among artificial sweetener packets, Styrofoam cups and bags of tea in the office break room, I found this little gem: NoSalt.
So obviously, what did I do? I tried a little bit of it.
You see, it poured like salt, felt like salt, so I thought, "Why not?"
Let me tell you why not, my friends. After tasting it immediately running to the sink for water in order to keep the stuff from burning a hole through my tongue I took a closer look at the package. Turns out the packaging wasn't a modern take on an old classic look, as I thought. No no, this thing original. Investigation followed.
Scientific question: How old is the crap I just tasted?
Data:
The bottle says, "Write us for a free 21 page COLOR booklet containing recipes and tips on shaking the salt habit. Please include 25¢ for postage and handling. Allow 4 weeks for delivery."
The copyright date is 1984.
Research fact #1: Postage has not been 25¢ since 1991. Awesome.
Research fact #2: It has been a long time since having something in color was a big deal.
Research fact #3: Nothing takes 4 weeks for delivery anymore
Research fact #4: The copyright date on the jar is 1984.
Conclusions:
The crap I just tasted is at least 17 years old.
The crap I just tasted might even be 24 years old which would make the crap I just tasted older than I am. The crap I just tasted is going to be thrown away.
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Following that office break room discussion, I think it is appropriate to bring up the fact that there is a bag of microwave popcorn in our office freezer. Why, I ask you, WHY is there a bag of microwave popcorn in our office freezer? Does it keep it fresher? Am I missing out on some universal truth about frozen microwave popcorn? This summer I learned from Sal that one can put shoes in the freezer to eliminate stinkiness. Does this somehow relate to popcorn as well? What if I like its smell?
Since Sal seems to know about these things, I told her about the popcorn and that it disturbs me. She didn't have an aswer for me but in her infinite wisdom, she suggested we start putting other weird things in there too. Like pasta. Or a cassette tape. Perhaps we could even find a cassette tape as old as the NoSalt. Hmm.
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6 comments:
Hi Cal-thanks for your email!! of course thats fine, lets swap links, I will add you to my favourite bloggers list too!! Eeww, thats rather terrible about the salt episode, I hope you don't get ill!! take care my dear!
Wow I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. I'm not sure which is better the super old nasty salt like stuff or the man falling being chased by exclimation points. Thanks for that! :)
Don't worry. It's probably mostly potassium chloride. Which doesn't go bad. Well, let me correct myself - it won't get any worse than the day it was created. Next time go for some Sodium (di)acetate. It's much tastier, and often used for salt and vinegar potato chips.
I love teaching chemistry.
JMW
I'm not sure what this says about me but my first thoughts were "At least you tasted it to see if it was still good before throwing it away", closely followed by "I wonder what the chemical composition of that stuff is?"
Also, the man is clearly falling into water. He probably jumped off a cliff to get away from the exclamatiom points chasing him.
MJI
"Ingredients: Potassium chloride, potassium biatrate, adipic acid, mineral oil, fumaric acid. Contains less than 10mg sodium per 100g (0.01%) which is considered sodium free. Contains approximately 32mEq (!,251 mg) of potassium per 1/2 level teaspoon."
I'm glad you disposed of that scary chemical crap. But what I want to know is WHO brought it in? I mean really, people. Throw your old scary chemical crap away, don't inflict it on your coworkers.
Other things that I am pondering putting in the work freezer: Shoe polish, chewing gum, oregano, conditioner, grass seed. Things that seem like they MIGHT benefit from being stored at cooler temperatures, though you just can't be sure.
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