Evil Elevators

I'm not sure who thought it would be a good idea to make our building's elevators completely mirrored but it makes for some of the most awkward inter-floor rides ever. No one knows where to look because everywhere you turn your head you're making eye contact with someone's reflection. So everyone stares at the ground.

Being in there alone is fine because it has just the right lighting to make you look tan (instead of ridiculously pale like I am all year round). Just make sure you don't check yourself out in one of the front corner panels because they have some kind of weird warp to them and you might have a heart attack thinking you've mysteriously gained 30lbs since the last time you took the elevator.

Even the outside doors of these things are mirrored so when you're standing in the 1st floor lobby in the middle of the two banks of elevators it is often impossible to see if there is one waiting, doors open. Especially if the arrow light up above is burned out. Like it was this summer. And then you end up standing there for 10 minutes wondering why the elevators are so slow and other people show up and wait with you because they assume you're not an idiot and would walk onto the elevator if it was sitting there waiting and then you look really dumb when everyone realizes the car has been there the entire time. Not like that ever happened to me. Multiple times.

Anywho...

Recently I learned something else very disturbing about these mirrored beasts: the "close door" buttons are not hooked up to anything. Whaaaa? I've noticed that no matter how many times you push the things nothing happens but that doesn't keep me from compulsively doing it every time I want the door to shut.

And now, do you know what I think about every time I get into the elevator?

I think...what am I supposed to do if I'm being chased by bad guys like in the movies and I have zero time to get in the elevator to escape? I'd be standing there pushing the non-functioning "close door" button and in slow motion the bad guys would catch up to me and I would not have the perfect timing of the doors shutting in their faces.

I'd be screwed.

Maybe I should start taking the stairs.