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You have to learn how to stop before you can start going fast. Crashing and burning hurts much more when you can't operate the breaks at high speeds. The wind doesn't feel as powerful when you're going slow but sometimes thats not a bad thing.
They say it isn't that you've fallen that matters, it is whether or not you get up. I disagree. Sometimes the fall is exactly what matters most. The blood, the bruise, the pain- it all does something to you, changes you and while you're down, tasting the tears, it is the perfect opportunity to look back, to look ahead, to look to now, becaues how often do we really take time to do that unless we're hurt?
If you're not ready to go home, at least drive by, see the place, feel it. The little room you got banished to after your sibling stole yours two days after you moved away just might have something you need, something you don't even know you need because you've done without it for so long but you'll never know unless you go back and dig through your old stuff. Maybe you'll find your heart buried in piles of junk you used to think were treasures. It might not be the heart you have now. It might be the heart that used to be yours, your old hopes and dreams and prayers and wishes but that heart, the old you, it might be what you're missing. What if your family has lessons to teach you that could make all the difference in the world? Your mom might be desperate to tell you things she always thought she'd have more time to say, like that tomatoes get mealy if you put them in the fridge so leave them on the counter, or maybe she has something else for you, something real.
Out of everything you learned this year, was knowing that you are lost the most important thing- because if so, let yourself be found. Stop looking for something out there and find it in yourself, in whatever it is you believe.
When you were little and you saw the first star at night and thought to yourself, "Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight...," what did you wish for? Remember. Have you let it come true? Or if you went outside tonight would you still wish for the same special thing? While you're out there, if you go, listen to the night breathe because it does; it does breathe. In different places it's breaths sound different but it breathes nonetheless. In the city there is a bus sighing to a stop and street lights buzzing with electricity. Other places there are frogs groaning and leaves blowing kisses on the breeze. Either way it's worth listening because chances are you won't be in either place forever, so soak it up and let it become a part of that place in your mind where things get absorbed without you even knowing it until one day you hear that bus or those frogs again and you think, "There was a time..."
I tell you all of this, because I need to hear it.
:end sidenote